The internet is feeling schizophrenic right now.

I wrote this a few days ago, originally posted on my Smol Pub, after being condescended to by multiple people, including the mod, at imood for simply wondering why they removed ‘suicidal’ as a mood, and then the next day having THIS greet me when I went to update my mood (what are the chances…I almost want to believe it was done on purpose). At which point I said f*ck it, changed my mood to “done“, and am never using the site again. (I’ll stick to status.cafe; at least you have to use actual words to describe your status, there…bonus that the mod’s not a condescending dick.) I think it’s important enough to post here, too. Because this still hurts. A lot.

Content warning for bad language and discussing ableism and stigma; and I’ve added some to the original. I’m very emotional here, because…obviously. But I do not apologise for that. This is what staring ableism in the face does to people.

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two suns in the sunset

I’m watching the UN General Assembly right now, not because I think the UN will be remotely helpful in this situation (or ANY situation…“shall I call the United Nations?”), and the screen suddenly went blank, and then switched to the test pattern and that horrendous constant beep that comes with it — and my first reaction was, fuck, he’s done it, that mad bastard’s done it, he’s dropped the bomb, I need to– just instantly, without even thinking about it.

Of course, it was just a brief interruption in the broadcast (satellite issues, or something), but just…that panic that gripped me…it just fell around me with a silent clanging of an iron curtain, and…

Nothing ever really changes, does it? It’s the same tune, really, just played on new instruments…or, if it is a new tune, there’s always throwbacks to certain refrains, always.

Baby, baby, baby…light my way…