constantly pretending to be a happy bean Tsuzuki Asato Syndrome news, I got a slew of packages of random nonsense in the mail today, which I don’t think my mother is wholly amused by, but…like, if I pay my rent and my utilities bills on time…I’m good? Or, I should be. Also, today it’s been one year. I don’t feel good, I feel lost, I feel like I’m trying to scry into the future using an onyx stone in a pitch-black room; I’ll take what little dopamine I can afford.
Also, arrival of new home: September 12th.
Still no news on when it will be finished, which is not ideal, and sort of doing a number on my mental health, but hey. Like I said, it’s been a year. I’m used to it, now.
I don’t like it at all, but I’m definitely used to it.
I’m afraid of suffering through another summer* where I am, but maybe a minor miracle might occur and they’ll get right onto it. I don’t know. If you don’t hope, you can’t be disappointed. That’s logic.
* and do keep in mind, Queensland summers are six to seven months long, so. yup. it’s great fun being aestophobic.
I…actually just had a weird revelation (for lack of a better word) about The Rings of Power.
I’m absolutely fascinated by Elrond Tarantino* — weirdly enough, it was seeing Robert Aramayo in action that solidified that; the man is poetry in motion and perfect for Elrond, even if the costume department keeps dragging its ass! And that voice, oh goodness — and am so looking forward to seeing his character really, really dug into. We only got glimpses of that in PJ’s Middle-earth movies, which is totally understandable, because he was such a minor character in those. And it’s a testament to how powerful an actor Hugo Weaving is that his movie depiction pretty much became the depiction of Elrond that I saw when I read the literature, but.
So. I got into a relationship that lead to engagement a few months after FotR’s release, and my then (now extremely ex) fiancée was completely obsessed with Elrond — well, really, she was obsessed with Hugo Weaving, and thus Elrond followed (and six months later when she had her brain eaten by Harry frickin’ Potter of all things, said “obsessions” were dropped like hot po-tay-toes, but hey, that’s what she does). I always wanted to like, dig into his character from a fandom perspective, you know? Like fic, art, opinion pieces, research, all that kinda stuff. But…I never really did, because the image of Elrond was always slightly tainted by this toxic waste spill pretending to be a person.
(Look, she lied about have cancer in order to passive-aggressively get me to be the one to break up with her. Then cheated on me, twice. And then had the fucking gall to email me several years later wailing about how I was her “greatest love story”. I do not have to spare her feelings whatsoever.)
But now…what with Elrond Tarantino…it’s like…not like a new Elrond, because I think Aramayo really captures that same essence that Weaving did, but like…it’s like the bad associations have been removed from him? So it’s like I can dive into fangirling without the bad memories (or just the exasperating ones). And I absolutely love that idea. Maybe I’ll make that Elrond fansite after all.
* yes, this was mocking, originally. now it’s pure hopeful fondness! ♥ (yup, I’m one of those annoyances that mocks the things she likes, with no mercy. y’all know how much I adore Nicky Wire from the sheer amount of times I’ve made fun of his dramatic cranky gorgeous ass.)
I started playing Pokémon GO on the 5th! …right when I went to my doctor for the leg pain, because he didn’t know at the time what was wrong — it could have been a DVT or just simply a muscle tear. So my doc gave me an ultrasound referral, and told me to just do light exercise in the meantime. So I figured, like, walking, yeah? And I’m on a Pokémon kick at the moment, so why not? excellent funtimes! (And I can send gifts to neechan and Fluff, too!)
So…got the ultrasound done ASAP. And, uh. yeah. I’ve got a DVT. Again.
I don’t know too many details about how large it is, what caused it, etc etc, because natch the sonographer doesn’t tell you much (which is legit; they’re not doctors), and my poor doc was having a hell of an evening so my follow-up was quick and to the point with the important stuff (although I heard him making little “oh dear” noises over the phone as he read the sonographer’s report, so I’m a wee bit concerned), that being getting my ass on anticoags. I’m on a very strong dose for a week, then on a mildly strong dose for…however long it takes before this damn thing to dissolve. which means limited movement for this week, no pushing myself, listen to my body if it doesn’t want to do something, and take a deep breath and just deal with the anticoag side-effects (luckily, they’re just the mild ones: dizziness, lethargy, and headache). But this means less walking than I wanted to do. 🙁 There are at least four PokéStops within a mile of my house, dammit! I need me some Berries! I wanna hatch eggs! SCREM! (no, not a typo. SCREM.)
My theory as to the cause is stress. Got my first one last year after a severe bout of stress, and…well, second verse same as the first…and it has been proven that severe stress effects coagulation, so. Eh. What can you do? (…no, really, what can you do? Apart from “imbibe a lot of weed”, but I have no contacts…)
Oh well. Lots of time to rest. I have a pile of books to finish, Pokémon to play, and I’m so tempted to go on a Star Trek TNG marathon. Might just, actually…might dig my “Trek blanket” out of my crochet box and do that…I mean, I started it while marathonning TOS…
Been a while. What happened?
- got a sinus infection, then got COVID. (yes, I am double-vaxxed, thank god.) I don’t think my body even knows what neutrophils are anymore.
- been some shenanigans going on with my left leg — basically, it’s in a constant state of muscle cramp. can’t really say for sure what that it until I see a doc/get an ultrasound, but if it’s another DVT then I am gonna laugh my ass off because that will cement my theory that stress can cause them. if it’s, like…I dunno what else it could be, a torn muscle or something? Then I’ll just pout a lot.
- bought some amazing new sneakers. I’ll take my dopamine in any possible form, okay.
- started playing Pokémon Platinum, and it is kicking my ass. I don’t think that’s altogether a bad thing, but wooboy. The swearing involved in some of the boss battles I’ve done so far…
- finally got my hands on some gloss sealer/finisher. MAKE ALL THE THINGS SHINY.
…that’s pretty much it. I’ve been creating a lot of stuff, making gifts for people, etc. I’ll upload them to my Pixey eventually. Whee.