no more pain now.

CW: cancer, death.

I discovered a family friend — literally the man who watched me take my first steps as a baby, and the father of my first ever friend — lost his battle with cancer and passed into the West. About three years ago.

Via Facebook.

And I’m just…I’m devastated, for a lot of reasons, obviously, but I’m like…why did my folks not tell me? Did they think I couldn’t handle it? Did they think I didn’t care? Because I bloody well did, SO much! When I last saw Ray, he seemed to almost have a soft glow of health about him, and he was so gentle and kind, and taught me about macro photography, and…now he’s just…not here anymore, and…

…and fuck cancer. That’s all I can think. Fuck cancer, fuck cancer, fuck cancer. I’m tired of it being in my loved ones’ lives. Hell, I’m tired of it being at all. I’m just so sick of it. I don’t get how we can send cameras to planets further away from us than the Sun and take beautiful pictures and yet we can’t kill this insidious beast? There’s no cure? Why not?! We can do so much! Hell, we can destroy ENTIRE PLANETS! Apparently we can’t cure cells that go rogue on us?! How is that right?

At least he’s no longer in pain, and doesn’t have to fight against the impossible anymore. Just peace beyond the circles of the world, now. That’s good. But I’m going to miss him.

I get that death is a gift, I do, but…why does it have to hurt so much all the time?