…I need to take a shower for ten years.

Putting it out there: BookTube is a load of toxic, self-righteous, self-important jackasses who I actually hate more than most of the badly-behaved authors they tear to shreds because they are flawless people.

Nothing, nothing has made me less enthusiastic about the craft of writing than the whole damn writing community. It’s absolute poison.

the wheel weaves as the wheel wills

So, I finished The Wheel of Time S1, and…wow. Very different canon from the book; I’m looking forward to seeing how this unfolds! (People that moan endlessly about how TV shows are different from books really are starting to puzzle me. I already know what’s happened in book-canon; I have no idea what’s going to happen with TV-canon! It’s more interesting that way!)

Favourite characters? Moiraine and Lan, natch. Both of whom are crazy gorgeous but oh my god, the things Rosamund Pike does to me…and in that scene, when she whispered “on your knees…”…I am never, ever gonna get over that. I would worship the fucking ground she walks on oh my Light– *ahem* Which is a bit weird, because bookwise, my favourite character is hands down Nynaeve. Show!Nynaeve is perfectly okay, just not as…feisty? Argumentative? as I thought she could have been portrayed. (Though maybe that’s a good thing, the ‘nerd’ dudebros don’t like it when the ladies should the barest hint of dissent towards anything. *cough*Galadrielgettingcalledagirlboss*coughcough*)

Least favourite? …still Egwene, so very solidly done there XD Rand is also just as dull, sulky, and boring as he is in the book, which amuses me. Perrin and Mat are completely different characters from who they used to be, so I can’t really compare their TV and book-selves. Oof, Perrin.  They really wanted to Kick the (Wolf-)Puppy with him, didn’t they? D:

Speaking of Rosamund Pike, the honey-voiced goddess she is…she’s the narrator for the new versions of the WoT audiobooks. Hold me back. Admittedly, I would listen to her read the goddamn phone book if I had half a chance, but I’d probably still get my hands on the new editions all the same; I didn’t like the swapping female-male narrators on the original, for the same reason I hate fully dramatised audiobooks. Give me one voice, let me connect to that voice, and let me drift off with my imagination. I don’t know if that’s because I was read to so much as a child or what, but there it is.

beyond faith, beyond reason

Oh, yes. Finished The Secret Commonwealth…either yesterday or the night before it, and I just. Just.

I don’t know what to say, really. It wasn’t perfect (there seemed some mild inconsistencies with dæmon ‘mechanics’, for lack of a better term, that were introduced in HDM…but again, we saw those things almost solely through Lyra’s purview as a child, and she’s now an adult and privy to things she just didn’t know as a child, so…), but I loved it, and…it punched me right in the heart, and I needed it to.

“Had reason ever created a poem, or a symphony, or a painting? If rationality can’t see things like the secret commonwealth, it’s because rationality’s vision is limited. The secret commonwealth is there. We can’t see it with rationality any more than we can weigh something with a microscope: It’s the wrong sort of instrument. We need to imagine as well as measure.”

You know what I love the most about the book? Is that this is absolutely not a children’s book. Lyra grew up and the original readers grew up, too, and it honestly feels like Philip Pullman wrote this for us, which is admittedly ridiculous, but. I feel a little more anchored in the world because this book exists. Isn’t that weird?

The spoilery things below the jump~

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this meandered

I finished Ogawa Yoko-sensei’s “Revenge” last night, and aaaaahhh. AAAAAAHH. So good. God, I wish I could write short stories like that. (Let’s be honest; I just wish I could write short stories.) I won’t say anything about it, plotwise, because that might spoil your enjoyment of it and YOU’RE GONNA READ IT. Or, like, I think you should (^_~)

Next up on my list is “All The Light We Cannot See” by Anthony Doerr, which was recommended to me by my neighbour. I…am hesitant. Not for any other reason than WW2 novels make me feel…it’s kinda like someone’s put hooks into my collarbones and is dragging me downwards slowly? I don’t know why, but anything that touches on the Holocaust is painful for me to deal with. I have no familial or blood connections to anyone who was hurt by it; the literal closest I get to it is that the jeweller who designed my mother’s engagement ring and my parents’ wedding rings was a Polish Jewish survivor of one of the concentration camps. Mum said she noticed his tattoo when he was working on her ring, and asked if he’d been…in the war. He smiled very softly and said “yes, it’s a little souvenir of my time in the camp,” and never spoke of it again. She didn’t have to ask “which camp”, because…well.

It’s odd, but every time I look at my mother’s wedding ring, now, I think of him. I wish I knew more about him. His surname was, apparently, “Polmar”, but that’s not terribly helpful, really, given that it’s not a typical Polish surname, and that it could have been a chosen surname, as many Polish Jewish immigrants to Australia changed their surnames when they settled here, for myriad reasons.

But yeah. Even a tenuous link like that weighs heavy…I cannot imagine what survivors and relatives and all Jewish people must feel, especially in the world’s current state.
(I feel like I need to fall to my knees and apologise over and over, I’m so sorry we let these bastards sneak back into the world, I’m so sorry we weren’t strong enough to keep them away…not that that would be remotely helpful, but emotions are weird and don’t make any sense. All I can do is tear down their posters when I see them, because not in my city, you fucks. Not my people, not my city. It still doesn’t feel like it’s enough, but I suppose nothing ever will be.)