take me to Imladris.

| Friday, 13th September 2024

I’m tired of trauma. I’m tired of it existing and I’m tired of having to deal with it. I wish it would just fall through me like rain and dry off and not mean anything. I’m tired of crying and I’m tired of PTSD spirals and I’m tired of adrenaline nausea and I’m tired of second-guessing the actions I take to keep myself as safe and sane as I’ll ever get — I’m tired, I’m tired, I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of fake-ass people on the internet and people who can’t be bothered reading a simple list of rules and people with the general attention span of a TikTok video. I’m just.

Why am I here? Why is everything like this? I try so fucking hard to change it and I just end up with scraped knuckles and wounds and I can’t anymore. I don’t want to. If it doesn’t get any better than this, then I don’t want to keep going with it. I’m fucking tired.

inexorably.

| Friday, 16th August 2024

I can’t feel anything. I’m moving my face and making the right noises so nobody will know there’s anything amiss, but I can’t feel a thing. Everything’s been put on pause again, and I don’t feel a thing.

In the back of my mind, somewhere, I know that there’s a tsunami sweeping in. But I can’t make my legs move to run to higher ground. I’m not sure higher ground even exists.

I wish it would stop raining.

[private] hell.

| Saturday, 8th June 2024

please enter undomiel’s passcode to read this private message:


the cavalry is here; mist and shadows all

| Monday, 22nd April 2024

 Why should a man be scorned if, finding himself in prison, he tries to get out and go home? Or if, when he cannot do so, he thinks and talks about other topics than jailers and prison-walls? The world outside has not become less real because the prisoner cannot see it. In using escape in this way the critics have chosen the wrong word, and, what is more, they are confusing, not always by sincere error, the Escape of the Prisoner with the Flight of the Deserter.

— J.R.R Tolkien