if nothing else, we still have music

song of the day for yesterday: come on, it has to be kookie’s “seven”. (people on the hellbirdsite being all “omg, jungkook’s the first one to sing about sex explicitly! (cue either thinly-veiled disgust or thirst levels becoming critical)”, while i’m over here with my RM bias being like, “DOES NAMJOON NOT EXIST TO YOU?!” because real ARMYs know e x a c t l y to what i am referring, js. :3) bad bunny out here breaking records like he was born to do it. as i mentioned on my retrospring to a non, i do in fact like mochimin’s “like crazy” a lot better, but negl this is a bop and a grower.

song of the day for today: icehouse’s cover of “sister europe”, for no other reason than it’s stuck in my head. sometimes that’s all sotd is, honestly. (this is a quality cover, though, don’t get me remotely wrong.)

in other news, there’s been a gas leak in my residence which gave me a sore throat and a headache, which is why sotd was late. hooray? why not.

endless chasing

woke myself up this morning yelling “FWCK YOU!” in a dream/real life. other people’s abusers. i do not even put with with their swit when i’m asleep. trufax.

i just knocked back three people in a row from a joinable for not reading the rules. i’m kind of starting to despair; do people not read the actual rules despite claiming they do, or do they just think “whatever, doesn’t apply to me”? the latter would be more galling, for sure, but either way it’s just…ugh. because i’m the one who has to knock them back, which makes me the target of their ire, and i just think…is it worth it, really?

(and then someone will join, actually following the rules, with a website that puts hearts in my eyes and gives me hope for the revival of the personal internet, so…what am i even whining about, really? :P)

song of the day: “Closer”, RM (w/ Paul Blanco and Mahalia). very chill and smooth shade of blue off of his latest, Indigo, which i’m finally getting around to listening to. first thoughts? it’s not as instant a love as mono. was for me, but it’s damn good all the same. i know joonie said it was “10 Blues” in the liner notes & box art, but really, it’s a much wider palette than his previous record, and has a kind of…tanginess? (synæsthesia is gonna be the death of me)…that was present in RM, but isn’t exactly the same kind of taste, as such, either. love love love to hear his singing voice, too, which only improves the more and more he uses it ♥ (don’t be afraid of singing, you beautiful coffee-smooth baritone, you!)

give me wings, city lights, bright things

Breathing in carefully, listening to songs that made my heart sing…during the year that was. And wasn’t.

Ten years ago, now. My body was mine, then it wasn’t, then it was filthy. Chasing cherry-blossom coloured illusions; no one told me that sakura contained cyanide. I found home, but I was locked in a tower again. The key to the door was so very complicated, and the gaolers…

Ah, who really knows. So many thoughts. All of them a mess, because of the headache (72 hrs and counting). Going back, grasping things, becoming a person. But I’m…I’m not afraid, not really. More apprehensive. Is it because I temporarily have to take room in the tower once again? Who knows, who knows.

I don’t know.

Maybe I don’t even know what I’m talking about, right now.

(What kind of introvert sickens when she’s been away from people for too long?)

Song of the Day for the 5th: “Heaven or Las Vegas”, Cocteau Twins

Song of the Day for the 6th: “American Dreaming”, Dead Can Dance

so I can wear honesty like a crown on my head
when I walk into the promised land
(don’t fade away, my brown-eyed girl)

But when I walk out of the tower again, the world is mine. I’m not letting anything less than Death itself tear it from my hands this time around.