broken wings
I don’t know how things got the way they are…but I hate them. I hate this. I don’t know why it’s like this or why nobody fucking talks to one another to fix things and I just…I hate it here. Hate it hate it hate it so much.
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate elevator music
the way we fight
the way i’m left here silent
I’m trying to write it out, to make sense of it, but the words are as caught inside like caged tigers, just like the tears. I’m so fucking tired.
I’m sad.
i can’t reach you
give me life
give me pain
give me myself again
muttergrumblehiss.
…I am too soft by half. EDIT, 4/2/23: I’m too stupid by half, but let us not quibble.
It’ll probably be the death of me, but then they can write “see, she wasn’t THAT much of a prick all the time!” on my headstone, so it all works out in the end.
Still, if I never have another cortisol rush ever again it will be TOO. SOON. D:
that shit hurts, man.
history never repeats?
Christ almighty, the jackassery is everywhere. She’s like COVID. If I never saw her deceptive ass again, it would be too soon. </vaguepost, deal with it>
but I believe in peace…bitch.
in other news…
eh. who knows. who cares. busy designing stuff; which is not the balm it should have usually been, but what can you do? you’ll pry my only available hobby out of my cold, dead hands.
…Christ, am I sixteen again? it feels eerily like it. this shit stops now. I don’t care how many bridges I have to burn.
January was a very crap month. and there’s still a day to go, yet.
might dig me a bunker.
sheer. fucking. hubris.
no. second. chances. no more. not ever again.
also: when you feel too sick to move but far too awake to tuck yourself up into bed and sleep it off.
biology, reader, continues to be stupid.
*returns to furiously Googling ‘how to set fire to the whole internet’*
I’ll run my own world and you aren’t invited
I get the feeling that I’m always going to be hated by someone, at least, because I am a girl
if you embrace your fertility, you’re wrong
if you embrace your warriorhood, you’re wrong
if you embrace your innocence, you’re wrong
if you embrace your hermitage, you’re wrong
if you embrace your wisdom, you’re wrong
if you embrace anything about you, you’re wrong
you’re a girl
you’re wrong
the reactions people have to that statement really say everything
oh well
sit and spin, really
life is not rosy
Welp, I moved off social.yesterweb because I am now 150% done with the whole yesterweb and everyone that promotes its faux-nicey-nicey Web 1.0 garbage. Note: an artist wanting eyeballs on their work is not a sellout, a cop-out, a slave to the algorithm, a corp shill, or anything other than that, and if you have EVER uploaded ANYTHING to the internet AT ALL, you should fucking know that. Don’t even TRY to tell me that you just did it for yourself; if you did, you’d have kept it on your hard drive. You want people visiting your shitty .gif strangled site, just as much as I want people reading my words. Screw. You.
I will not be called a bad person because I want people to read my writing, for God’s sake. Fuck the yesterweb, and especially fuck ANYONE who claims it’s all about love and creativity and friendliness. Yeah, until you step out of the lines.
Done, kaput, over.
Oh yeah, still suspended on Twitter. I finally find a community there and they do this to me. There’s only one word for their automated suspension system and unfortunately, it won’t sink in, because automated.
Or I’ll get suspended for saying it.
Again.
To quote Eowyn, “everything makes me sad.”
…I need to take a shower for ten years.
Putting it out there: BookTube is a load of toxic, self-righteous, self-important jackasses who I actually hate more than most of the badly-behaved authors they tear to shreds because they are flawless people.
Nothing, nothing has made me less enthusiastic about the craft of writing than the whole damn writing community. It’s absolute poison.
もう一人の典型的な男。
(September 23, 2022 · this sucks)
セラピストに相談しよう!
私はセラピストではありません!私があなたの感情的な支えになりたいなら、お金を払って! あなたを知りません、かす!
(Translation: so sick of men seeing me as nothing but their Manic Pixie Dream Girl Sex Therapist.)