Creating fanlistings has been such a belittling, nasty, backstabbing, competitive, petty, childish, and overall ugly experience that I honestly wonder if it’s worth the three seconds’ glance anyone gives any of my work.
Protected: all the drugs in the world can’t save us from ourselves
weird kinda day. had to head off the doctors’ to get some ‘script repeats, and none of them bulk bill anymore, which is…$70 for repeats? um. no. i’ll either find a dr who bulk bills in another surgery, or i’ll…just not have meds, i guess, and then they can deal with me at the local hospital’s empdep. this system is absolutely and completely fucked up beyond belief.
it was almost a “girls’ day out”, just me and my mother, like we used to do back before the world ended and my brother became her favourite child. idek. i can’t help but be incredibly bitter about that. we got the car washed, got maccas…nothing burgers (literally, they gave me spicy nuggies [which aren’t that spicy if i can eat them…did make my mouth/tongue swell, though] instead of my ordered burger XD), but things that were like…normal as hell two years ago. now, it’s just…what it is now.
everything’s wrong.
even talking about the DV sitch and my ongoing trauma-based reactions to the perp (still can’t look them in the face without dissociating) somehow turned into oh boohoo poor Saint My Brother and his PTSD.
just…what? i’d be pissed off but it requires more energy than i have at the moment. at the moment i’m just sad. at least that’s easy.
arrivals: my stevie nicks sticker (now on my phone!), sailor moon supers colouring book (you bet i’m gonna scan it in) and my three pride flags (rainbow/bi/trans). which are currently hung up outside in an attempt to straighten them out, as you’d have it. only in pride month, baby. XD
in other news…stardew valley keeps stuttering. fuck. i’m not the only person it does this to, but none of the prescribed solutions to it seem to help at all. oh well. can’t be helped, i guess.
I don’t know how things got the way they are…but I hate them. I hate this. I don’t know why it’s like this or why nobody fucking talks to one another to fix things and I just…I hate it here. Hate it hate it hate it so much.
and i hate
and i hate
and i hate and i hate elevator music the way we fight the way i’m left here silent
I’m trying to write it out, to make sense of it, but the words are as caught inside like caged tigers, just like the tears. I’m so fucking tired.
“In men reason is strong and magic is weak. With fairies it is the other way round: magic comes very naturally to them, but by human standards they are barely sane.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
they do get annoyed about little things, after all
Never going to understand why someone would join any of my fanlistings if they think I’m Satan (correction: I’m actually just his secretary), but hey, if I’ve learned one thing about T(A)FL over the last three years is that they attract a very interesting breed of people.
Arwen. (Or Kirryn; take your pick.) Actual elf. Seclusive bohemian, weaver of webs, rara avis.
basically...
dob - 15 March locale - Brisbane, Queensland, Australia image song - "Little Baby Nothing", Manics likes - music, dogs, Middle-earth, magical girls, sleeping, reading, poetry, red wine, static webdesign dislikes - summer, false niceness, TERFs, bad webdesign, Christian bigotry/zealotry contact - em@il (that's it)
currently...
working on - revamping the umbrella network + a semisecret project reading - "The Two Towers", J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Ghosts of Rose Hill", R.M. Romero listening to - Suede, Manics, and plenty of Enya (for chill/sleeping reasons) watching - nothing currently playing - also nothing, unless Unpacking counts wishing - It would stop raining for five goddamn minutes
favouritism...
band - Manic Street Preachers, Suede, BTS, U2 (bite me), The Moody Blues, BUMP OF CHICKEN singers - Tori Amos, Vienna Teng, John Farnham, Dar Williams authors - J.R.R. Tolkien, R.M. Romero, Francesca Lia Block, Yoshimoto Banana poets - Lenore Kandel, Langston Hughes, Shinji Moon, Simon Armitage book - "The Lord of the Rings", J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Pillow Book", Sei Shounagon
colour - jacaranda purple, sea blue